Silent Mouse at the Mall

The rain and cold weather has not stopped us from hitting the streets!

While I'm in town, I HAD to make a stop by Weiner Works! A French Fry Delight, footlong fish sandwich and draft root beer were calling my name! *feel free to make a donation to my Gym Fund* for those that don't know, a French Fry Delight is a bowl of fries topped with chili, cheddar cheese sauce, sour cream and onions! Sounds good and life threatening, right? We made a trip to the local mall as well. I gave JDM fair warning about the sad state of the Village Mall, but he had to see for himself. As we entered the mall, we passed the only eatery in the building, Garfield's. The three people sitting at the bar stared at us as if we had walked in with RuPaul, Leslie Jordan and Justin Beiber. (See what I did there?) As we walked by they lost interest and continued their futile pursuit to bang the washed up cheerleader manning the bar. Santa has officially arrived as he was chill-laxing with the photog gal in the sleigh like a Mack. The North Pole train was parked and there wasn't a child in sight. Matter of fact, other than those working, there weren't many shoppers in sight! No one was in the food court...because there is no food court! Just a boarded up white wall! It was a sad state of affairs. JDM and I got quiet and noticed that there was no sound in the mall. We could see the workers, but no music, no talking..nothing. Did we bust in on game of quiet mouse? JDM says "It's not as bad as the West End Mall in Atlanta, but it goes down in history as the quietest mall ever! This is depressing, we have to leave...now!". We hadn't even made it to the other side of the mall yet! He doesn't say much, but when he's right, he's right! I dragged him to Claire's and Carson's and we dipped!

We saw my Aunt Becky, Cousins Ana, Jennifer, Rae and My new little cousin! He is a chubby little ball of cuteness!

Ended the day chilling at my daddy's and a visit to North End Steak n Shake, where JDM slaughtered two Double Royale burgers, fries and two Sprites! This man can eat! If you see me 'hanging' out on a corner near you talking to men in station wagons, I'm trying to hustle up some money to feed JDM! Don't call the cops!

Sweet Potatoes, Chitterlings and Our Colored President

This morning I had a conversation with my Papa that started with us talking about chitterlings or pig guts being better than sweet potatoes (not true) and ended with him declaring his love for President Obama. "He's a good colored man! You graduate from Harvard, you ain't no dummy!" When was the last time you heard said someone was 'colored'? It actually threw me off a little. Given the man is 85 years old, it was legal and I didn't give him a hard time....this time. After thinking about it, I think I'll add 'colored' to my list of old school words that make me smile. *writes 'colored' down right next to 'on the strength'*

Anybody that knows me knows that I LOVE 5 things...Elvis, tacos, long legged men, pancakes, and sweet potatoes! I am the Forrest Gump of Sweet Potatoes! I can, will and have eaten them every way possible. Sweet potato pie, Sweet potato cake, baked, fried, boiled, raw, Sweet potato bread and on and on. My favorite is by far is the Sweet Potato Sandwich! To claim that Chitterlings are better than a Sweet Potato Sandwich is a mighty bold statement, especially for an 85 year old man, so I had to stay and defend the almighty sweet potato. The base of his claim was that chitterlings goodness all depends on who cleans them. We're talking about pig intestines, right? I don't give a damn if my mama's mama's mama, aunt's mama sister who was a direct descendant of Moses cleaned them, I ain't sliding that crap pass these lips right here! Pig guts? Even if you 'clean' them, you have to account for all the years that the pig's been alive, the foulness has to be set in, right? Perfect example, you buy a new plastic cup. You use the cup up to three times everyday to drink your apple cider. Over time, no matter how much you wash the cup the apple cider smell and essence will linger. Same with chitterlings. Regardless of how you clean them, the smell and essence of shit will linger. Now I don't know how YOU were raised, but we don't voluntarily eat shit and we certainly chose death before we are forced to eat shit.

Now the sweet potato is golden! My people make the best homemade rolls. I'm not sure where this recipe came from, but trust me when I say homemade bread is the S.H. I.T.org. A homemade roll with a thick sliced sweet potato drizzled in cinnamon butter glaze will make you speak in tongues, interrupt what you said and praise His goodness all before the first bite! Where is this story going? I'm not sure what my point was, but a long story short...sweet potato rule, chitterlings are full of shit and our President is 'colored'. The end.

Giving God The Prince *side eye*

Believe it or not, this Jackie is a Christian.  I do my best to use the word loosely and have been know to go by the name "The Disgruntled Christian".  I know that God doesn't make mistakes, I get it! I'm just curious as to how this guy works.  Have you ever witnessed something with your own two eyes and think.."WTF? C'mon Son! Get the f%*k outta here with that bullshit!" 

Some things make me wanna give God the Prince *side eye*...

 For example....

1 - Ever wonder how you can go to work everyday and work your fingers to the bone just to make ends meet and then you read that an convicted rapist has won the lottery? That is a true story, people! So you can rape people, do some time and win the lotto? *side eye*

2- Ever wonder how you can be smart and in spite of your efforts not get an opportunity to prosper but the simple-minded, dim-witted, bastard you work with who has half the education you have makes the yearly salary of a first year teacher in a MONTH! Really? I guess it's true, God looks after children and FOOLS! *side eye*

3- Ever wonder why there are people who have lost everything including family in a tragic way and others never experience a tragic day in their lives and don't appreciate it? *side eye*

I could go on and on, but I'll stop.  I believe everything happens for a reason, but it would be nice to know the reason while I'm still alive!

I'm gonna walk away now.  I have enough on my list to explain at the gate. Keep your fingers crossed St. Peter lets me in when I get there!

Cleaning Out My Closet

Last Friday, was good day for me.  I was off from work, no assignment due and I had a whole day to do whatever came to mind.  Instead of being a bum and watching cheesy movies all day, I decided to start a project I’ve been putting off for the last 6 months…..cleaning out my closet. I wish I had taken a picture before I started to show you how scary this thing looked. Now that I think of it, I would probably be too shame to show it! Let’s just say, I had unfolded clothes from the floor to damn near eye height. You couldn’t open the door without something falling on you! NO JOKE!  I took a deep breath, took the comforter off the bed and jumped right in!

As I went through the clothes I was amazed #1- I even wore some this shit, #2 - I could even FIT some of this shit at one point and #3- that I could remember when I purchased and wore every piece I touched.  It’s amazing I can remember that kind of crap, but can’t seem to remember where I put my damn keys!  I started this project at 10am; by 6pm, I had the closet empty! I swear I ran a marathon when I was finished! My body hurt and my house was TRASHED! As I pulled clothes out I made a snap decision to whether I was going to keep it or give it away.  The giveaway area was in the living room.  As you can see from the pictures, it was huge! The sad part is that I still have 8 bags of clothes in the storage closet on my patio and about 3 bags of clothes stored in the TV box behind the dining room table!   I slowly hung up all the dresses, put the purses on the shelf and discarded old shoes.  When I was done organizing the closet, I had 13 loads of laundry to do (I did break one of those loads into two as I hate odd numbers) and a mound of clothes to fold and box for the shelter.  By Sunday after church, I had done all the laundry and folded the mound neatly.

I felt good, relieved.  I had cleaned out my “dirty little secret.” Like most things in life, the surface looked clean, but as you open different doors the truth starts to show.  I had cleared my hiding place out. I’ve slept with the door open every night since!  Cleaning out my closet made me think of other areas of my life I need to “clean out.” What areas of my life am I holding on to unnecessary feelings or unresolved issues? Will these things be as easy as cleaning out my closet? How can I improve me?  How do I make my life better by letting go of the dead weight?  I know what I need to improve on and I will in due time…like after my show goes off and the world runs outta beer!  I sure hope you weren’t expecting some life changing, deep thought! You were? Oh. I’m fresh out and have been since 1976!

Going Public...

I've been posting for the past couple of days and have yet to share.  That's the purpose of blogging, right? I have to introduce you to my partners in crime too! I'm more than sure the Adventures of Diva Island will grace these pages soon enough! Shout out to Princess, Chocolat and M to the K!

Well, here goes nothing.  *Off to spread the word on Facebook*

Finally....

...something for you to look forward to everyday besides 5 o'clock!

I've been threatening to do this for years, but finally found the time between work and my actual life.  I'm not sure where this is going just yet, but I'm here!  I'll spare you the fancy introduction and life story.  If you're here, you know me, if not, ask and I'll tell you something.

Before I get started there are a few things you should know about me:
   1 - "Jackie" is short for Jackass.
   2 - I can, at times, be rude.
   3 - I'm not as nice as I let on to be.
   4 - I loathe foolishness.
   5 - My mouth can, at times, be foul.
   6-  I like kids, but not YOUR kids. Unless stated otherwise.
   7-  Beer is a gift from God and should be treated as such. Don't fruit the beer, Jackie!
   8-  I don't have a #8, I just hate odd numbers!

Now that we have the basics out of the way, let's get this thing rolling.
*pops the top off a cold one*